Father’s Day is a very emotional day for me, to be honest the words father or daddy are emotionally sensitive words for me.
I used to cry all the time because I did not have the “daddy” I felt like I needed. Fathers are essential in creating foundations on which their daughters grow and I did not have those foundations, as evidenced by some life choices.
I thank God for Henry Johnson who stood in those areas where I needed a father. I remember going to the farm to feed Cookie, our pig, I remember him caring for his aging parents after leaving a job he worked eight to twelve hours a day. Henry taught me work ethic and the value of caring for family. But, what about the areas he was not able to.
Henry helped potty train my son, and he was aging himself. I love and miss that man so much that sometimes during very stressful times in my life, I dream of he and I talking on a bench by a railroad track.
I also had loving uncles, although I did not fully understand their love for me, I mean how could I; I wanted my own dad. I remember Uncle J.W. allowing me to spend summer breaks at his home and when he did stuff for his children he included me and my Uncle Kenneth picking me up on Friday evenings to make sure I made it to church on Sunday. I remember the day I was baptized, Uncle Kenneth was there. I remember the night I went to visit him to and told him I was called into ministry, he did not judge me, he just listended.
We as adult children may never know what took place as to why some of fathers were not available. And honestly it does not matter. After overcoming the craving I had to be loved by a man, any man ( that craving led me to some dark places) I began to appreciate what I always had. A group of men who loved NaNa despite of all her mess.
Ladies you can heal from the hurt of not having an active father. It took years for me to allow God to be a father and sometimes it is still a struggle. He wants to comfort you and show you what a loving Father looks like and actually He can show you better than any earthly father ever could. I used to be so jealous of my cousins for having their fathers in the home......
But God heals a broken heart.
I did have the daddy I needed, in hindsight, my daddy loves me the best he knows how with all he has. I am sad I did not inherit my daddy's sense of fashion because he stay fresh! He taught me how to wash my car, well actually showed me what I was doing wrong. And I have learned to realize, through many years of therapy and working as a therapist, it is best some people are not active in your life. Absence probably saved a few of us.
Father, today I ask that you shower every woman, who did not get the love she felt like she deserved from her natural father, in love. Lord continue to heal every womb created by her father's absence. I cancel every assignment of the enemy to use low self esteem and lack of self love to detroy her. I bind up the spirit of promiscuity and spirits of perversion, and release a spirit of self love over her life. Woman of God you are enough, you are loved, you are whole! There is no need to chase love, you are loved! You don't have to lower your standards or allow men to degrade and disrespect you, you are more than that. God wants to be your Father......You are unique! God will use your story of healing to bless someone else.
Comments