I feel the need to explain "deal breakers". Deal breakers are things I will not allow in my relationship/marriage/friendships. Yes allow, as these things protect my peace and my very existence.
Why did I create a list of deal breakers? It all started when I was a therapist. I would often see women being abused in some form which usually led to child protective service involvement, families being left homeless, without basic needs, and or in such a severe mental state they could hardly function.
What I noticed is that some women allow anything.....let me walk you through an example. Men know when we, women collectively, have an area of weakness. They also know when we have to have them. So they start introducing stuff into the relationship. It starts small as they are trying to feel us out. First they may raise their voices, you know monitoring our response. Then they may move on to name calling, you know a little bitch here and a whore there. They want to know if we will flex back. If they are able to get by with name calling, they may move on to some major disrespect, or may pass little licks.....mmmm and if we still don't stand up for our virtuer, men have a tendancy to get real slick, now they won't answer phone calls, really become aggressively abusive, disappear on us, and some even move on to introducing a third party to the relationship. See where I am going.............deal breakers keep me sound and out of prison.
You may already have deal breakers and they may not look like someone else's deal breakers. I will not allow drugs (harder than weed) in my relationship. I have lived through that and because of my past experience, that is my deal breaker. I have seen women allow their children to be sexually abused and take up for their man and allow their kids be placed states custody in order to keep the man. That is extreme but it is real.
I have watched women give up so much of themselves, like doing things they never thought they would do. Like.......seriously.
I have tolerated some misteatment. The situation I just left (or just left me), I allowed more than I should have. He NEVER called me out of my name, he NEVER introduced me to drugs, and he NEVER introduced a third party into our entanglement, so he wasn't that bad. KMSL LOL it was bad, not on his part but on my part. I allowed it whatever mistreatment it was, I allowed it.
Beautiful ladies, it is not on him and what he is doing, it is on us and what we allow. Get to the root of why do we allow it!
Women let's stop saying "aint no way I would ever put up with that" trying to make ourselves feel good about the mess we are putting up with. The sister next to you is putting up with some stuffffffff too. And although, he may not be doing one thing he is doing something else.
Deal breakers keep respect in the relationship. Deal breakers should be discusssed up front but because we want him so bad, we don't have hard conversations and then here we go....
You are worth more than what you currently allow. Remember he finds favor when he finds you. Remember he is blessed because of you. You are beautiful inside and out. You are unique and fearfully and wonderfully made. You can have what God says you can have, You can have a man who treats you with respect and who treats you like the virtuous woman you are. There is purpose and promise inside of you!
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